Maximus, Slayer of Spiders

I just killed a monster black widow in my garage. It didn't just have a red mark, it had corporate sponsorship stickers like a NASCAR driver. Drow were worshipping it. I saw it chase a hobbit under my washing machine. I bit IT, and it gained the proportional strength and agility of an out-of-shape temp. I hit it with a rubber band and it just said "You call that a hit, faggot!" in the exact same voice as the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket. Finally I got out the broom handle and beat it to death, screaming "Mommy says you're naughty! Mommy says you're naughty!"

Is it wrong that I want it to come back from the dead so I can videotape myself killing it this time?