Make big bucks in your spare time: Ask me how

While looking quite busy today at work (note: Actually, I was composing a musical version of "Plan 9 From Outer Space" in my head to be titled "O! Plan 9!") a "tech-support guy" wandered out of the blue to my neighbor's cubicle and announced he was taking her printer to another department. And an amazing thing happened: she gave it up without seeing ONE FORM OF IDENTIFICATION. Apparently, the standard IT uniform of Polo shirt, dockers and sensible shoes is enough to convince anyone. So wanna hear my big plan for big money?

1. Go buy the above clothing and a multitool you can keep conspicuous in a trouser pocket. The Swiss Army Knife is to IT guys what the Puffy White Mushroom-Cloud Hat is to French chefs. Also, you can use it to fight off security goons if the plan goes awry.

2. March right through the doors of a mid-size office building. If security hassles you, wave something laminated in their face and tell them the Java server's down. They'll laugh and make a joke about bad coffee. Roll your eyes and continue down the hall.

3. Pick a cubicle at random. Tell them you're here to fix their printer. Don't worry: it'll be broken. They're always broken. If by some chance it isn't, give it a dirty look. That ought to kill it.

4. Throw around any of the following terms at workers to establish your IT cred and deflect suspicion: "Trouble ticket". "PC Load Letter Error". "Toner cartridge". "Java server".

5. Tell them you'll have to bring it in to the IT Dept. office to service it. Don't take any guff from these office types either. Inform them in no uncertain terms that they are expendable - the printer is not.

6. Sell the printer for crack in Richmond. IT'S THAT EASY!