JOIN THE DON'TGIVEACRATS...in which our host weighs in on the California political crisis

Ambivalent voters of California, Unite! Or Don't! We don't care!

We're the Don'tgiveacrats, the party for you! "You" being the vast number of people who didn't vote for our governor, didn't sign the recall petition, didn't vote for the president, and didn't vote for the purple M&Ms. Finally, there is a political party that caters to your apathy, your jadedness, your ennui.

What's our platform, you fail to ask? Well, I'll tell you anyway:

TAXES: Eh.

EDUCATION: Sure, why not.

WELFARE REFORM: I don't know, what do you think?

ABORTION: Whatever floats your boat, man.

CAMPAIGN FINANCE: You gonna eat that?

JUDICIAL APPOINTMENTS: You play that Matrix game yet?

DRUG LAWS: That game's hella tight. Hella.

TERRORISM: That's still a bad thing, isn't it? We haven't watched the news in awhile.

You might be wondering what kind of political action plan you can expect from a party with no candidates on any ballot anywhere (or maybe you're not). The Don'tgiveacrats plan is simple: we urge everyone not to vote at all. Are you tired of the old jokers in Sacramento and Washington DC getting replaced at random intervals with a new set of jokers? That's because a very small group of you are STILL VOTING. It's simple logic: if no one votes, no jackasses can possibly win. It's like nihilism, but without the German accents!

Next time you feel the need to vote, ask yourself the following questions:

Isn't there a sporting event and/or funny rerun on TV tonight?
Aren't you feeling a little hungry?
If you have kids and/or pets, couldn't they use a little attention, you selfish bastard?
Shouldn't you go buy that stuff to help you pass your drug test on Monday?

Remember, inaction begins at home. Let our leaders know that silence speaks volumes. And repeat the Don'tgiveacrat's war chant:

"What do we want? SOMETHING! When do we want it? WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU!"