Grab Bag Column of the Damned

This has been a bad week for conservative douchebags. First, Armstrong Williams was outed as the Alan Freed of punditry for accepting $240,000 from the White House to flog No Child Left Behind. Then my good ol' buddy, serial corpse-raper Tucker Carlson was handed his walking papers by CNN, and to top it off CNN's cancelling the whole Crossfire shitfest! Will this turn out to be the best year ever? Only if we can get Robert Novak drunk and have him play chicken with a train.

Pursuant to a U.N. resolution calling for a 50% reduction in me, I've purchased a Weider home gym. I knew the world community was serious when the Security Council threatened to get violently snippy with me. Anyway, it's a sweet little system with computer-controlled resistance and exercises with giggle-inducing names like the kneeling abdominal crunch and the one-armed preacher curl.

(Of course, I made sure that this one had computer controls just like everything else I own, in the hopes that someday one of my appliances will become sentient and attempt to exterminate me.)

I've been listening to a lot of "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross on NPR lately. I never thought I'd become one of those NPR listeners, but que sera sera. She was interviewing Ice Cube the other day, out promoting some family comedy bullshit, when Terry asked him what the Ice Cube of 1990 would think of where he is today. I badly wanted Cube to tell her that if 1990's Cube was in his neighborhood, he better duck, 'cause 1990 Cube was crazy as fuck.

Then, today, Fresh Air proudly announced that they were sponsored by a book whose title I can't recall, but was described as "a New Jersey woman's struggle to find herself". Incidentally, I have a recurring night terror about finding myself in New Jersey.

I'm going to say two things I noticed during the Lost/Alias bloc that aired tonight - one will be standard viewer kinda info, the second will be highly geeky in nature. 1. It was so obvious that Boone was hallucinating. And his stepsister, eeew. 2. They were totally listening to Driveshaft during the birthday party on Alias! That means Alias and Lost occupy the same universe! I mean, the ramifications...