Election's Over - Now Heal, Goddamit!

I guess we had an election or coup or something last week. I was on the tail end of a 6-day vacation bender so my recollections are a little fuzzy. My voter stub says I voted for "Peach Schnapps" ... Cheer up fellow Blue Staters! There may be four more years of Vitamin W in store for us (just as Nostradamus prophesied) but at least they'll be relatively Ashcroft-free! Yeah, the composer of the multi-platinum hit "Let the Eagle Soar" is resigning as the Attorney General. That's just quitter talk! Our civil liberties aren't going to crush themselves! What's John going to do with his time, take up macrame? Maybe take those swing-dancing lessons the wifey's been bothering him about? C'MON ASHY! We got us some immigrants to round up! ... I've been reading Steven Pressfield's latest book, "The Virtues of War", on Alexander the Great. As a bit of a history buff, I'm always amused when people's attentions are suddenly focused on a particular event or period. Like fifteen years ago, when Ken Burns's "The Civil War" came out, and you suddenly saw Civil War tv shows, movies, books etc. everywhere. Then you had "Gladiator" a few years back and everyone was talking about Rome. Now we have this book, the Alexander movie coming out (There were gonna be two. Thankfully, we were spared the Baz Luhrmann one), a big History Channel doc, and Alexander Happy Meals for all I know. I wonder what could be going on in the world right now to make people so interested in a violent, God-complexed imperialist who paved the Middle East with corpses. It's a mystery ... This post, by the way, is being composed on that newfangled Firefox browser. So far I'm liking it. The interface is very clean, while keeping a lot of the features I liked in Netscape. The only downside is having to control it by thinking in Russian ... Obscure? Maybe a little. What can I say - I'm a sucker for a good 80's Clint Eastwood-stealing-a-Russian-jet film joke ... After watching approximately 900 googol hours of pre- and post-election press coverage, I've figured out how to raise the level of political dialogue in this country. Here's my modest proposal: I'm going to organize a bi-partisan symposium of the top political writers, talk show pundits, op-ed columnists, bloggers and radio call-in show hosts from around the country. Top minds like Ann Coulter, Andrew Sullivan, the gang from CNN's Crossfire, Sean Hannity, William Safire, Christopher Hitchens, you name it. Then I'm gonna chain the fucking doors from the outside and pump enough Zyklon-B into the ventilation system to kill a small country. I'm just trying to heal America, one blowhard at a time.