An open letter to my friend Trinity, who made me listen to "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake

Well I did it. I did it and now it's over. Would that my life were powered by Windows, and a simple Ctrl-Z could undo what I just did to my soul! For truly, it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life.

Now, I never went to 'Nam and saw my best friend’s head explode when a gook claymore went off next to it, and the closest I’ve ever come to an Andrea Doria-style martime accident was this time my raft capsized at Stinson, so as “difficult experiences” go it’s tamer than some people’s. Regardless of that, I can honestly say that it was the most excruciating four minutes of my life, and I once had an ingrown toenail removed by a grouchy old drunk of a podiatrist, without benefit of topical anesthetics.

That said, I am glad though that Mr. Timberlake saw fit to bring the sexy back! I, for one, was getting quite nervous about the dwindling supply of sexy in society. It's almost as if there's been a media blackout on sexy portrayals of young actresses and cute pop stars since Mr. Timberlake's last album. A generation was growing up without the kind of masturbatory fodder needed for a healthy upbringing.

So thank you Trinity for all the "music". And thank you Justin Timberlake, for teaching us all a valuable lesson: those who give up essential sexy to purhcase a little temporary safety, deserve neither sexy nor safety.