And now, Treasury Secretary Max Gerry

Admit it, it's got a nice ring to it.

*****

So when do I get my socialist wealth redistribution? Will it come as some sort of government check, or can I just go down to Blackhawk and take whatever I like?

*****

What can I say, I'm a political junkie.

Here's what both excites and disturbs me about the forthcoming Obama presidency. I'm a big sci-fi fan (which is to say: a sci-fi fan who is large [which is to say: a sci-fi fan]), and one of the classic tropes of sci-fi movies is to point out the wacked-out science fiction-iness of a film's setting by making the President black. From Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact, to Tiny Lister in Fifth Element, to Lando Muthafuckin' Calrissian himself, nothing in filmdom is as useful a shorthand for "enlightened future" as a black Chief Executive.

Which means ... WE NOW LIVE IN THE CRAZY FUTURISTIC SCI-FI VERSION OF AMERICA!!!

"So, Big Fat Nerd, why are you so disturbed by this momentous occasion?" Did you look at that list of films? A black President means some apocalyptic shit's about to go down. Rogue comets! Imperial subjugation! Some kind of intelligent planet/force of pure evil hurtling towards Earth with Gary Oldman on speed dial!

*****

I guess you could say I'm like an irrational, violent alcoholic, only with politics instead of alcohol. Also, with alcohol.

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Think I'm going overboard with the science fiction thing? I've got one word for you, which I just made up: holopundits.



Help me Obi-Wolf Blitznobi, you're our only hope.

*****

I heard some hapless McCain voter complain on the radio yesterday that he might have to leave the country if Obama won. Now saying "I'm going to Canada!" is old hat when liberals are pissed, but where do conservatives make empty threats to relocate to? Can't go to Canada; it's a socialist welfare state. So's most of Western Europe. And South America. And, uh, just about every other developed nation on Earth. Yeah, even Mexico.

So I'm just gonna throw this out there for disenchanted fundies: Nigeria. Unfettered capitalism at its most rapacious, an emerging market just waiting to be plucked and devoured, and a government that ... oh wait, another black President. My bad.

*****

Okay, I will suck your dick for some spin room coverage.